Too long I’ve been standing next to you, although we had parted long before. Once there were candles in both our eyes, with enough warmth to fill a home. A home, which we had designed in the dreamland of our conversations. Some wind came and almost blew your candle out. I know it fought, it fluttered, it became weak and it got stronger, but then it seemed to die until only a little glow, a little blaze was all that was left behind. My candle burned, it has burned very long now. I protected the little flame from wind and weather, from rain and snow, I tried to hide it, I exposed it to people close to me and to you. I tried to light your candle again, but it didn’t work… now it is about to burn down, too.
Until yesterday we were talking and I pretended to be okay. But talking to you fanned my candle and it was starting to burn me. I admit, that’s why I was planning to escape and I was gathering myself to be prepared for a tough separation. I started walking some time ago, cautiously I was taking small steps, steps in my mind, but I stayed near you, right at your side. And yesterday I cut it off. Just like that. All over sudden.
I can’t take it anymore, being around you and talking to you, yet having been pushed infinitely far away by you - it cuts my heart. I can’t be friends, I can’t be ”normal” – I’m sorry, I just can’t! I would love to do so, but it would nourish my candle even more, until it burns me alive. I don’t want to get burned again. There are already too many scars on me and there’s nothing else left to say, I hope you understand my silence.
So I stole away, hidden in the protective coat of the night, without making a noise. But you caught me off-guard. I hear you calling out for me, I do. But I’m weak, far too weak to stand this, to face you. You seem disturbed by me turning away, but I can’t turn back. I would fall into pieces… So I pace up and run, until I won’t hear your voice, until my candle of hope will drown in the teary rivers of my soul. I left without saying goodbye… Am I wrong for not saying goodbye, when you already said farewell a long time ago?
I’m aware, that there will be rises and falls on my way, I will stumble and I will look back for sure. You will always be a part of me, of what I am today, you taught me the feeling of being love and desired and how it feels to be rejected. You made me stronger, but truth is
…they just don’t care enough.